Teacher as learner

I thought I came here to be a teacher but i find more and more every day that I am here to learn. I am continuously flowing from challenge to ease, from wanting to fly home to feeling okay about calling this place home, from feeling alone to surrounded with support. It's a very jarring experience - moving to a new country to start your career. I continue to learn about myself, my surroundings, my profession, and my colleagues.

Something I'm working on overcoming: my tendency to shut down.

I discovered this while grocery shopping (which seems to be an emotional experience for me these days) after work on Monday. I had finished choosing some plain Ts ((which was hard because they come in baggies!?), and found another new hire, Jen, on the escalator down to the food section of the store. We were looking at the food and she was going for it - I admired her courage in just picking things out that didn't look familiar to me. I moved on and wandered around for a while, stopping to look at the milk. I had a short list in my head before coming to the store, but it had left me in the trum of picking out shirts in baggies. All I could remember was milk. There are so many options when it comes to milk here - at least more than we're offered in Minnesota. And they're all in Korean (or have 3 words in English on them, none of which pertaining to milk fat content), so I stood there staring at the many milk bottles for quite some time. Recounting the situation, watching myself at the dairy case, I'm encouraging the main character, saying "grab that milk! It can't be that bad! You'll be fine" but real time emmalee was all like "milk milk milk I have no idea I'm going to die if I get the wrong kind cause what if its live culture and I'm not live culture friendly and what if its already bad cause my last milki bought tasted kind of bad...." On and on. So I just walked away. I shut down. I couldn't make a choice, so decided make the choice to not buy milk. (The teacher in me is shouting "not making a choice is making a choice,") I mean, my life doesn't SUCK without milk.... But why didn't I have the hutspa to pick out some dang milk? Maybe it's because I didn't have my headphones with me haha. Anyway, I feel like an addict - the first step in solving a problem is being aware of the problem. So, I'm working on it. I'm working on my courage in everyday life situations. I'm trying to silence my nerves in a safe way in order to great the most out of my life, and in order to be more comfortable and happy. 

I don't mean to emote too much, but I'd be lying if I told you this giant triple transition was easy. I'm living on my own for the first time, in a new country, as a first year teacher. But today was one of the best days I've had so far. The other music teachers (Melinda and Sophie, who at EXCELLENT) and I worked on stuff together for a lot of the afternoon. I shared with them that during my three student teaching experiences I learned that the biggest factor in how happy my job made me was my colleagues. I worked in 3 schools, paying attention to how the work, students, materials, environment and other factors impacted my satisfaction and quickly made the conclusion that the music team/ department had to be fun and hard working in order for me to be satisfied. I can work with difficult students. I can fundraiser for better instruments. I can make order out of a messy classroom. I cannot work without a supportive and fun team. I felt so affirmed in my decision to come heard today as we worked together. I am so pleased to be working with such knowledgeable and accepting educators. I'm comforted and inspired by our work together thus far and have high hopes for my time here.

So it's really happening. Friday is the big day. I'm writing this Tuesday night - one more work day (Wednesday) before new student orientation on Thursday and then the first day on Friday!

I've heard such great things about our students and have got some pretty fun things planned for us :)

Can't wait to tell you all about my first day as Ms. J half way around the world :)